You are almost a pro man! :P
Here is what me and a friend think of it:
(I removed his name)
18:15 - "!": haha cool, one of the members made this:
http://www.foolsdesign.org/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=11918:15 - "!": (I think)
18:18 - ***: damn
18:18 - ***: its sounds like well new radio rap
18:18 - ***: but in good performance
18:18 - ***: beat is like i make it for cash but i dont quite listen lyrics
18:18 - "!": I think it needs more "bass" u know, donk donk
18:18 - ***: but its quite pleasure
18:18 - "!": yeah, it has a nice flow
18:19 - "!": My second round listening to it now.
18:19 - "!": _:D
18:19 - ***: hehe
18:19 - ***: im not quite in rap
18:19 - "!": Same here but I like some tunes from time to time. This is certainly one of them. ^^
18:19 - "!": I like it when they have a nice flow.
18:20 - "!": ...and techno/trance in background. :P
I think as I mentioned to my friend, it has a nice flow. I would like to hear more donk donk "bass" in it, a bit like this one at 01:50:
It would give it more power imho.
Um, and well, I would like to hear more than one voice in it. Perhaps your own voice distorted into high pitch or very low Devil pitch, low volume in background. It would fill it up a bit more. A little like when you do at 01:29 but like in the background low volume from time to time (not too often) while you sing the main.
As for my background in music, I did play violin for 6 years and listen heavily to Classical, Hard Rock and from time to time good oldschool Hip-hop / Pop.
I like your voice a lot, not in a gay way.

You got a strong heavy voice which doesn't sound bitchy like Eminem or Lil-Wayne. You are more close to Rick Ross which in my opinion has a nice heavy voice. On second thought, I actually think your voice seem heavier than RR.
Again, I especially like how your tune flows without breakage (if that makes any sense) like flowing in water. Very smooth and nice.
As I write this, it'll be my 4th round listening to this tune. I do NOT repeat crap tunes more than once so you tune is excellent! :D